Strengthen relationships through the art of listening
Life in 2025 feels like an endless scroll of transactional encounters. I’ll give you five seconds of my attention, and you give me a little dopamine. If you’re not interesting to me, I can scroll and find something that is. Truly, we are all in our short attention span era – and we’re all paying for it.
Researchers call this “the attention economy.” All encounters are rendered down to things like clicks, likes and time on-screen. Micro-engagement is the new currency, and we’re now algorithmically conditioned to respond in an instant. Earn my attention right away or I move on to the next transaction. And this conditioning doesn’t just impact our online interactions; we carry this behavior over to our real-life encounters too.
Have you ever been halfway through a conversation and realized that you had no idea what the person said because you were zoning out or distracted by your own thoughts? Or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of shallow attention, like coming home from work and sharing about your day only to have your partner or roommate merely offer the occasional “uh huh” while they absentmindedly scroll through their phone.
How did it feel? Probably not great. Yes, the pendulum of the attention economy swings both ways. In this case, your partner just “scrolled past” you, while you were just trying to talk about your day.
If what you crave is true connection and depth, there is a relatively simple way to find new richness in existing relationships and to build stronger relationships moving forward.
What is active listening?
Active listening involves more than just hearing what someone is saying – it’s trying to understand both what they are saying and what they really mean. It also involves showing interest in the other person; in what they’re saying, how they’re feeling and what they care about.
Your body language plays a role in this too. When you’re actively listening, you’re grasping the full nuance of a person and all the layers of what they’re talking about. While we do this, we become so attuned to the other person that we often start to mirror their body language; you lean forward when they lean forward, you smile back when they smile at you.
Why is active listening important?
Studies have shown that active listening deepens our connection with others and shows them that we’re a valuable relationship partner to have. It feels good to feel truly heard and understood, and who wouldn’t want that?
In fact, studies suggest that feeling truly listened to activates the brain’s reward system, bringing about positive emotions and improving our experience of the conversation. Remember, if the attention economy offers you cheap hits of dopamine, active listening is a dopamine feast. But you have to work for it!
Active listening can do more than improve your experience during an interaction; it can help make your relationships more durable and fulfilling. Want to persuade someone or get closer to them? Active listening is a great place to start. Need to resolve conflict? Active listening encourages true understanding of the other person’s perspective.
How to be an active listener
Now that you know the benefits, you may be wondering how to improve your listening skills. Here are some ways you can ensure you’re putting your best foot forward in interactions with others.
Give your undivided attention to the other person. Put your phone down. Better yet, put it away and trust that all your notifications will be patiently waiting for you when you’re ready for them.
Listen first without focusing on how you’ll respond. Don’t think about what you’re going to say based on what they’re saying – just listen, and trust that you’ll be able to think of a response when they’re finished. This allows for more naturally flowing conversations as well.
Let the person know you’re listening by asking follow-up questions or seeking clarification. Your goal is to go as many layers deep into the conversation as you can.
Pay attention to the other person’s body language. Are they facing you or angled away from you? Does eye contact feel natural? Is their face telling you they feel heard? These signs can be used to determine how they’re feeling.
Show that you’re listening through your own body language.
Use verbal cues to let them know you’re listening and interested. Saying things like, “tell me more,” or even saying back to them a brief recap of what you just heard, invites them to go deeper.
It’s OK if these things don’t come naturally to you. Your brain is fighting years of cheap-dopamine conditioning from living within the attention economy. But with intentional practice, any skill becomes easier.
Next time you find yourself in a conversation, consider challenging yourself to engage in active listening. You may just find your conversation partner gives you more satisfaction than your phone ever could.
Read the article from the Alexandria Times: https://alextimes.com/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/strengthen-relationships-through-the-art-of-listening/
